The First Self Care Workshop 31st October 2019

Exciting news! Last night was my first ever Self Care Rebellion Workshop! I put so much into preparing for it, hours of research, practice, writing, printing and event planning, advertising online, posting flyers and spreading the word by mouth.  Thankfully I had the best team to help me prepare though with Mandy my sound technician and bouncer, Catherine, my photographer and bouncer and Lyn, my sound quality engineer!! These guys are so full of love, full of support and always ready laugh! The perfect combination!

We got the room ready while singing along to Nina Simone and ACDC and gradually people rolled in, filling the 30 or so seats. My heart was racing! I’ve been teaching for nearly 20 years, yet it felt so different doing this without a horse. How would people respond? Would I keep my flow? Would my voice remain calm? Where was my horse?? I knew at this point, none of these questions was any use to me. My job was to get my body to understand that it wasn’t in any danger. I walked as calmly as possible out of sight of the crowd and focussed on box breathing. It worked, it genuinely did! Deep, calm breaths have a direct impact on physiology FACT!

I stepped off the stage;“Let’s make a start” said my outer voice. Meanwhile, my inner voice was on top form and I continued to tell myself that people were interested, I was capable, I had interesting things to say and that I knew what to say! The talk flowed from introduction gradually through to conclusion, and I loved every second. I loved that I’d been brave and stepped so far out of my comfort zone. I loved that I was talking about things that I was passionate about and believed in and I loved that as I looked out and around me, I knew that there were friends in the crowd that loved and supported me. One of the most important things for me was that it was authentic. Each story I told was real; the quaver in my voice as I talked about losing my baby was real; the smile as I spoke of my childhood was real. It was the truth, and maybe that’s why it felt so good.

I tried hard not to feel sad that my mum wasn’t there. Alzheimer’s doesn’t care when a daughter needs her mum. She’d have supported me like you wouldn’t believe! I’ve seen it before so many times. She’d have done whatever it took to help make it a success and make me feel good. I chose her old Indian style, beautiful pink, elephant net curtains for my table cloths over my two desks and was wearing one of her rings. Strangely as we left at the end of the night while sorting out a box, I spotted another one of her rings on the floor! I hadn’t brought it, I’ve never worn it before, but there it was! It was like her spirit had been there watching the whole time.

It was an expensive night to run, although the donations collected helped for sure. I hope I can afford to do some more free nights and maybe this dream will grow, right now though I’m feeling proud. Yes, I may make some changes. Yes, at some point, I need to sell my work and afford to live! But right now I’m celebrating. I will celebrate my bravery and having such incredible friends.

Big love

Katy X